Wall Street’s IQ Plunges, Triggering A ‘Too Dumb To Fall' Bailout

New York City — The collective IQ of Wall Street executives has dropped below the mental retardation level for the first time ever, prompting the Federal Reserve to impose the “too dumb to fall” provisions...

Are Your Fish Getting Enough Exercise?

The problem with home aquariums is that they're too small and confining. The fish can't swim the natural distances they need to get sufficient exercise. I was thinking about this the other day when I realized...

Dick Clark Calls His Death a Blooper, Vows to Return to New York

Times Square — Dick Clark has no intention of resting in peace. The television pioneer has brushed off the massive heart attack which led to his death earlier this week, and is busy planning his traditional New...

Hitler or Bloomberg? Take the Fascism’s in Fashion Quiz

Here are six unidentified quotes uttered by either New York Mayor Michael Bloomberg or German dictator Adolf Hitler. Test your knowledge of the world’s fastest growing political scheme by correctly identifying...

Oil Companies Creating Special Packaging for $5-a-Gallon Gas

Houston, Texas -- As gasoline prices ratchet up past the $4-a-gallon mark, the oil industry is preparing a more luxurious way to present its increasingly costly product to consumers. “Think expensive fragrances,...

The Federal Reserve Makes Money Disappear

Washington, DC -- Say goodbye to the almighty dollar. In a unanimous decision, the Federal Reserve’s Board of Governors has voted to abolish the use of money in the United States, effective immediately. “The...

Birth Certificate Reveals Santorum To Be The Son of God ( Humor)

Washington, DC -- Republican presidential candidate Rick Santorum has declared his campaign to be “The Second Coming,” after learning that his birth certificate identifies him as the Son of God. “I thought I...

Airbags Adding Safety to New Nuke Plants

Augusta, Georgia -- An electric utility here is building the first new nuclear generating plants to be constructed in the US since 1978. Its safety secret: the use of giant, automotive type airbags to cushion and...

Congress Strikes Back: Gives Taxpayers a 4% Approval Rating

Washington -- Still stinging from the lowly 10% approval rating it received from the American public, Congress has taken revenge, bestowing a measly four percent approval rating on taxpaying citizens. “Taxpayers...

$15 Trillion Super Bowl Bet Would Wipe Out The National Debt

Indianapolis -- Congress Is gambling that a determined group of Patriots can again save the United States from collapse. The lawmakers are betting $15 trillion that the New England Patriots will defeat the New York...

Super Bowl Controversy: National Anthem Replaced with a Dodge Ad

Football fans watching Super Bowl XLVI can remain seated during the pregame ceremonies this year, because the singing of The Star-Spangled Banner will be preempted by a television commercial for Dodge trucks. “At...

Cher Fails to Prove She’s Not Dead -- Burial Set for Tuesday

Hollywood, California -- Former superstar Cher has fallen victim to a bogus Tweet, which announced that she had passed away last Thursday. It appears that the 65-year-old singer/actress has no way of proving that...

New Greek Threat: More Credit for Us Or No More Gyros for You

Athens -- Facing a debt burden that could enslave its citizens for decades to come, Greece has gone on the offensive, declaring it will halt the production of gyros worldwide if it’s not given a larger line of...

Hillary Clinton to Convert US Embassies into IHOPs

Washington DC -- Secretary Of State Hillary Clinton has begun transforming her diplomatic corp’s global network of embassies and consulates into the world’s largest International House of Pancakes chain....

Frenchmen’s AAA Romance Rating Downgraded To C-

Paris -- The EU Division of Standard & Poor’s has notched down France’s world-leading AAA Romance Rating, relegating the “land of love” to the bottom of the hotness heap when it comes to “lust,...