Britain's economy is a statistical horror show
Millionaire Chancellor George Osborne hour-long speech was nothing short of a statistical horror show, as he tightened his grip on Britain's economic throat and laughed off the nation's descent into a double-dip recession.
The Bullingdon Club member, whose first job was entering dead people's names into an NHS computer, insisted he'll stick by austerity measures choking commercial growth, killing off small business and promoting economic inequality In The UK.
Behind Mr Osborne's brass front, Britain braced itself for a return to recession - although some economists insisted that we hadn't left the last one.
The drop in GDP between October and December, estimated by the Office for National Statistics, is almost certainly going to be followed by a further fall in the current quarter.
Co-conspirator Prime Minister David Cameron wept crocodile tears, telling MPs he was "disappointed" by the figures.