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Marriage is a partnership – how to make it last
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by YankeeJim | November 18, 2010 at 02:10 pm
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On my parents’ 45th wedding anniversary, Mother lay dying of cancer and in a few days she would die. That was eighteen years ago. I have no doubt that Mother and Dad would be together today if she had not passed on and that would have been 63 years.
In February, I will have been married 40 years. If I had not had surgery in 2005, I would not be here to celebrate. I married my High School sweetheart. Getting to alter took 5 years of hard work for me to prove that I was worthy. I never did or was, but I got lucky.
One of her great attributes is compassion and forgiveness. She loves a project, and I proved to be a big one. She is extremely intelligent and creative, and I adore that.
It took five years of solid planning and preparation before we had our child. We wanted to be worthy parents. We studied to become parents. We discussed it. When it happened, we had no idea what a splendid life it would be.
Having a child is a wonderful experience as for us it became devotion, and a very large and enduring collaboration.
In fact, much of what we do is collaboration. I have not been perfect by any means, but from the beginning, our commitment to help one another through all of life is what keeps us together, for better or for worse, in sickness and in health.
Her parents too stuck together. It runs in families.
Marriage suits us, but it isn’t for everyone.
“Four in 10 say marriage is becoming obsolete By HOPE YEN
The Associated Press
Thursday, November 18, 2010; 6:20 AMWASHINGTON -- Is marriage becoming obsolete?
As families gather for Thanksgiving this year, nearly one in three American children is living with a parent who is divorced, separated or never-married. More people are accepting the view that wedding bells aren't needed to have a family.
A study by the Pew Research Center, in association with Time magazine, highlights rapidly changing notions of the American family. And the Census Bureau, too, is planning to incorporate broader definitions of family when measuring poverty, a shift caused partly by recent jumps in unmarried couples living together.
About 29 percent of children under 18 now live with a parent or parents who are unwed or no longer married, a fivefold increase from 1960, according to the Pew report being released Thursday. Broken down further, about 15 percent have parents who are divorced or separated and 14 percent who were never married. Within those two groups, a sizable chunk - 6 percent - have parents who are live-in couples who opted to raise kids together without getting married.
Indeed, about 39 percent of Americans said marriage was becoming obsolete. And that sentiment follows U.S. census data released in September that showed marriages hit an all-time low of 52 percent for adults 18 and over.
In 1978, just 28 percent believed marriage was becoming obsolete.
When asked what constitutes a family, the vast majority of Americans agree that a married couple, with or without children, fits that description. But four of five surveyed pointed also to an unmarried, opposite-sex couple with children or a single parent. Three of 5 people said a same-sex couple with children was a family.
"Marriage is still very important in this country, but it doesn't dominate family life like it used to," said Andrew Cherlin, a professor of sociology and public policy at Johns Hopkins University. "Now there are several ways to have a successful family life, and more people accept them."
The broadening views of family are expected to have an impact at Thanksgiving. About nine in 10 Americans say they will share a Thanksgiving meal next week with family, sitting at a table with 12 people on average. About one-fourth of respondents said there will be 20 or more family members.”
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YankeeJim
Arlington, Virginia, United States
Most RecentMost Recommended Comments (7)
at 14:41 on November 18th, 2010
I never answered the question directly. Maybe it is cultural, tradition, a pattern of family traits that are nurtured because you have inherited the abilty and desire.
at 16:03 on November 18th, 2010
"Marriage suits us, but it isn’t for everyone."
Absolutely right, Jim. There are plenty of people who have done well enough without getting married, and others who have done well having married. Those who want to marry should be able to; those who don't should not have to.
at 16:56 on November 18th, 2010
The longevity of any marriage is defined by the how and why of individual relationships. Many people question the institution of marriage going so far as to posit that it, as well as monogamous relationships, aren't a normal human condition. The reasons people marry needs to be analyzed. Some time ago I read a social science expose on marriage that explored the phenomena of female group think, where when one woman marries from with in the group the others then define or redefine their identity and then too "need" to get married. The study showed a co-relation between the first married of a group and the succession of following marriages from with in the same group with in three to five years. The same matrix was used to explore first baby and the succession of pregnancies from with in the same group over the same three to five years. The alpha-female sets the groups course. Not such an unusual phenomena when we consider "fad psychology" and "group think" in general. The expectation of longevity under these circumstances raises it's own questions.
at 18:56 on November 18th, 2010
I'm married to an alpha female, but her closest female friends have remained unattached. Meanwhile many of the people she's not been in touch with for years married close to the same time than she did. There are other reasons for trends like this, including for example a generation coming of age. For example, the baby boom after Second World War was a global trend, but most people participating in it did not know one another. There's been a smaller baby boom in the last several years, and it's pretty much due to the fact that a fairly large generation has turned a certain age.
at 20:10 on November 18th, 2010
Nowhere did I state that the expose determined singular reason. I used it to extrapolate on my opening statement."The longevity of any marriage is defined by the how and why of individual relationships" Individual relationships being diverse. The expose I included and your personal experience are just one of many. The post war baby boom was not a coming of age event or social tend in as much it was a confirmation of survival of a global conflict that lasted six years. The psychology is much different than present in simple relationships, a general discussion on marriage, or generational behaviors which take place under "normal" circumstances.
at 18:30 on November 18th, 2010
In my humble opinion marriage is institutionalisation of biological necessity.The survival and longivity of a marriage depends,inter alia,on social mores and norms.To followers of some religion,some sects marriage is sarcosanct and its dissolution is a sin.I know some couples in India who lived under same roof without being on speaking terms for all their lives.They prefered longivity with discord rather than seperation and divorce.Understanding between husband and wife,emanating from sharing a common worldview,is more important and sustains longivity with harmonious relationship.
at 16:57 on November 19th, 2010
TK, I know couples in Australia who live under the same roof even though they are not on speaking terms. Some people see that as ethical, I see that as people wasting their lives. As for marriage being a biological necessity, it is for some people and is not for others. And I say it as a married man and a father. In fact, in the world, there have been many cultures that did not have formal marriage and did well enough. And in Bible itself, most people did not practice the one-man-one-woman-for-life model of marriage and either had many wives and concubines or were not in a relationship at all.