Milibandwagon Hype Explained
Leading political analyst and commetator, Eamon McCann gives his usual perspicacious insight into the recent spats between the Blairites, Brownites and Milibandits.
Until last week, few members of the public knew anything much about David and Ed. The only question ever posed about them in the hostelries in which I tend to commune was — which one is Ant, then, and which is Dec?
But in a newspaper last week, David erupted into the consciousness of the masses when he launched a sudden attack on Gordon Brown and announced that he would not cease from mental fight nor would his sword sleep in his hand until the loser Brown had been deposited in the dustbin of history and he, David Miliband, securely installed in Downing Street with a mandate to complete the building of Jerusalem.
Not that he put it in exactly these terms. No. The exact words of what all experts agreed was a key passage of the sensational philippic were: “The odds are against us, no question. But I still believe we can win the next election.”
The top Egyptologists of the pointy-headed papers are agreed that this means: ‘We are all doomed, doomed I tell you, unless we dump the grump without further delay.’ A close reading of the amazing polemic reveals no more specific indication of difference on policy or perspective. Big discrepancy in the image department, though.
On the morning of his daring front-page initiative, Miliband appeared at a press conference in his shirt sleeves! Then walked along Whitehall with his jacket flung over his shoulder and his finger through the loop!
This, too, experts helpfully explained, conveyed a clear message to party members reeling from recent disasters: I am relaxed, sprightly, vigorous, young. Unlike Brown.
Just as, a little over a year ago, Brown was sincere, serious, weighty, strong. Unlike Blair. Impossible then, too, to identify any issues of substance between them. But they were, like, different sorts of people.
The emerging consensus among the commentariat now is that the Milibandwagon will gather strength over the coming months, as Labour members realise that serious, weighty, etc. Brown will never match the poster-boy appeal of relaxed, young, sprightly Cameron. Or, now that we come to think of him, vigorous, sprightly, young Nick Clegg. Come the next election, they’ll just send in the clones.