The Ministry of Silly Walks – playing at a capital near you

ByAyesha Tammy Haq

As our finance gurus try to work out ways in which to sugar-coat that very bitter pill, the IMF, we wonder how they are going to explain the latest burden on an already empty exchequer. The prime minister has said that the newly inducted ministers would not be a burden on the exchequer as they are appointed as per requirement. What does that mean? Apart from the fact that the prime minister thinks that we are all a bunch of idiots and the wool can be pulled over our eyes at anytime. Perhaps that is why we now have a federal minister for postal services, another for livestock, or is it animal husbandry. The list is endless but not exhaustive, as it seems yet another expansion is on the cards. Education, Health and Agriculture are all provincial subjects; however, we have not only a federal minister but also a minister of state for each of these.

We also continue to have, in this era of democracy and rule by the people, and despite the party manifesto, an information ministry, which not only sports a federal minister but also a minister of state. The president has his own spokesman, the very articulate Mr Farhatullah Babar, the prime minister has a press secretary and a media advisor, also a minister of state. Each ministry has its own spokespersons and the military has ISPR.

So why do we, at a time when we claim to be a functioning democracy and at peace with our traditional enemy, need a propaganda machine? In all this, let us not forget the advisors, heads of organisations like the Benazir Income Support Programme, the Baitul Maal and countless others who have full federal minister status. Then there is an entire battalion of special assistants, many of them with the rank of minister of state.

What it means is that we have yet another massive cabinet. Which, given the bickering amongst and demands of the smaller parties, is more than likely to grow. After all, the MQM still needs to find itself a place in the sun. And, given the JUI-F land deal in return for its support of Gen Musharraf's uniform, the party is likely to want much more to stay in this coalition and support an unpopular war in its constituency. And then there is the PML-Q, which, having spent so much time enjoying the perks of power at our expense, is not happy without the protocol.

Is this part of the new policy of inclusiveness? Or full employment for those who do no work? How qualified, competent and necessary are all these people. And what exactly is it that they do? What does a Youth Ministry do? Or one for culture? And tourism in a country on the travel advisory list for the rest of the world? Why is there a separate ministry for textiles? What on earth do we need a Ministry for Special Initiatives for? Or is that just an initiative per se? Do our ministers, or those in government, take any initiative? Will these mysteries ever be uncovered? Probably not. What we will find out, though, is the likelihood of more bureaucratic delays and wrangling in getting anything done. They should all be clubbed together under a Ministry of Silly Walks.

Unfortunately, this is not a Monty Python spoof. It is real life, and reality is biting. What we do know is the cost to us. Salaries, houses, endless protocol and staff, monster cars as no one is willing to subscribe to the 1600cc rule. And then there is the regular trip on one of the official jets. For the ego massage there is the stopping of traffic so they can zoom by in the gas guzzlers, use of security details to protect a bunch of unproductive people, their families and friends. Use of government houses and facilities for holidays in prime locations all over the country, one of the legacies of the colonial era. There is so much more.

We are, from all accounts, despite protests to the contrary, going to the IMF, and its little wonder, who in their right mind would give you cash in hand; they want an economic manager who will tell you how and where to use the money. And it is always the middle and lower classes that are squeezed here with more taxes and higher costs of living. What this class, and Pakistan, needs is for us to go corporate. Pare down the huge unwieldy machinery of government, perks like cars, etc., not used on official business cannot be expensed and should be taxed, no use of the corporate jet just because it's there. In fact, those using them should be charged commercial rates. No bankrupt company looking for a bailout would have a fleet of aircraft, why should this bankrupt nation? For Mr Gilani to send the body of a member of the National Assembly home for burial in the prime minister's official plane is a shocking waste of public funds. We are, after all, being required to pay for our government's economic mismanagement; the least they can do is pay their own way, it is not for the people to pay for their luxuries. It's time they understood the meaning of the phrase Public Service.

Perhaps, in creating new ministries and doing a mass swearing in, the government thought the induction of Senator Israrullah Zehri as federal minister for postal services may go by unnoticed. This is the same Mr Zehri who stood tall on the floor of the Senate and defended the "honour killing" and burying alive of women as a time-honoured Baloch tradition. It really makes one wonder what the PPP is thinking and how different today's leadership is from yesterdays.

Benazir Bhutto showed empathy and compassion with rape victims and victims of honour crimes, she would go to their homes and commiserate in person; hand out cheques. Her manifesto was strong on women's issues. So the question is, would she have made Mr Zehri a minister? Perhaps someone, maybe one of the female ministers or MNA's or MPA's who have promoted bills on women's protection but are strangely mute today, could enlighten us on this. Even Senator Yasmin Shah, who initially raised the issue, has gone quiet as her party is now part of the coalition of the greedy. Surely this is taking political expediency to another level.

Mr Zehri is not alone here, he is in the excellent company of our new education minister, Mir Hazar Khan Bijarani, who presided over a jirga and handed over five minor girls in Vani. Chief Justice Iftikhar Mohammed Chaudhry took suo moto notice of this. Today the Chief Justice sits outside his court and Mr Bijarani, not too long ago a fugitive from the law who had gone "underground" to avoid appearing before the chief justice, now roams the corridors of power.

Our elected representatives will not speak for fear of losing the flag that flutters on the car. And they cannot dismiss it as an obsession of the English-speaking chattering classes; it is those they claim as their constituents who are at the receiving end and need them to speak. And when they do they need to remember that they do so in an environment robbed of its constitution and rule of law, a crime they abetted as they did not speak then either. If they are not capable of defending the sanctity of the law, how can it be enforced and where do we go for protection? Does the PPP have no one with integrity, decency and courage who will speak on the floor of the house? The silence is deafening.



Bolo, abb tum saath ho kis-kay.

The writer is a corporate lawyer, host of a weekly talk show on satellite television and a freelance columnist. Email: ayeshatammy@gmail.com