Missing Page of Constitution Found

Missing Page of Constitution Found

Satire

Missing Page of Constitution Found Giving President New Powers
A startling discovery at the Library of Congress may dramatically
alter the federal government as we know it.

“A White House Fellow, while examining the original copy of the
Constitution, made the discovery that two of the pages were stuck
together,” said James Billington, the Librarian of Congress. “We have
absolutely no idea how this oversight occurred, and are frankly
shocked that something so significant should have slipped by us.”

The extra page adds five paragraphs to Article II, Section 2, which
describes the powers vested in the President. The new paragraphs lie
between paragraph 2, which describes his ability to make treaties,
and what was previously thought to be paragraph 3, which describes
his ability to fill vacant appointments during Senate recess.

“The new paragraphs present a much different vision of the check-and-
balance system; to be honest, you have to wonder what the Founding
Fathers were thinking,” said Herman Tremain, one of the scholars
assigned to examine the extra insert.

The new paragraphs specify, in part, that “He shall have power to
vest as much authority as deemed necessary in the law enforcement
agencies of the nation; and he shall nominate special law enforcement
officers as deemed appropriate.” They also specify that the president
must be an individual of “unquestionable moral fiber” who “shall have
refrained from adulterous activities, or questionable fundraising
processes, or any other conduct unbecoming the leader of a nation. He
shall be a true champion of the Republic – a true Republican, so to
speak.”

The White House was positively smug in a press conference yesterday
afternoon.

“Of course, the president is eager to learn about how he can fulfill
his constitutionally appointed duties to their maximum extent,” said
National Security Advisor Condoleeza Rice. “Once the missing text has
been properly disseminated, we are confident that this more rounded
description of President Bush’s role in the American government will
enable him to advance his agenda for a safer, more secure America
even further.”

Some, however, were skeptical of the finding.

“A complete missing page of the Constitution turns up after two
centuries which just happens to expand the authority of the
President?” said NYU political science professor Jacqueline
Stein. “It truly defies belief, particularly since it includes a
paragraph allowing the President to postpone an election if the
nation is in “time of crisis.” I also find it notable that an
unconfirmed image posted to the “Smoking Gun” website showed the
missing page looked suspiciously like it was printed in Helvetica.”

“I really don’t know how they got the Library of Congress to play
along with this,” Stein mused. “You would almost think that the White
House had some sort of secret connection with the library community.”
‘UNSECURE’
www.congress.org
‘UNSECURE’
http://www.planetnetopia.com/forum/topics/id_3/
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“All great truths begin as blasphemies.”