A Modest Proposal: Ban Male Ejaculation NOW
The primary excuse that these people use in justifying their view is the "right to life" argument. This being that life begins at conception. Basically, as soon as the load is shot...life has begun. Well, that's all well and good, but inaccurate. I rightly argue that life actually begins WAY BEFORE the sperm reaches the egg. The sperm ITSELF is a living thing.
When you put this issue in that perspective, you have to consider that EVERY TIME a male ejaculates...LIFE is created. Which brings me to the obvious point: Male masturbation, and sex without procreation, leads to male ejaculation which, in turn, kills MILLIONS upon MILLIONS of living beings.
Listen, boys-- think about how often you've masturbated up to this moment. Anytime you release in your hand, a sock, a tissue, or a back, an ass, or a face...you are basically creating and destroying life. Just think of how many US Presidents, or great surgeons or filmmakers, or Hitlers you are killing weekly, daily, or hourly! Where is the "right to life" argument then?! Every single one of those spermatozoa you excrete is alive, and every time you spank it to release...you are killing GENERATIONS of humans! This makes ALL human males among the most infamous of serial killers. And we are ALL getting away with it! Well, not anymore!
Men should ONLY be allowed to ejaculate when they are in the process of impregnating a woman. That means teenage boys, single men, and homosexuals are NOT ALLOWED to cum without female egg fertilization. This way, there will be NO NEED for abortions-- women won't get knocked up without getting married first! This also means NO GAY MARRIAGE-- hell, NO GAYS AT ALL...which will make right wingers and Evangelicals VERY HAPPY. This is also environmentally sound. No more unnecessary laundry, or wasted tissues, napkins, or paper towels. EVERY SPERM will be accounted for by our population count!
So you see-- we can protect women's reproductive rights by being responsible, and showing a little restraint. After all...every life, and every sperm, is sacred.