My comment to my friend's blog that turned out to be a story!

My comment to my friend's blog that turned out to be a story in itself....so, here it is!

Link to the story this comment was written for:
http://michellesaysso.blogspot.com/2009/10/lets-get-ready-to-rumble-my-dad-vs.html
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We do not give our dads - our fathers - the first male loves of our lives - enough credit for being emotional - for being there for the family. We tried to be good for dad when he came home from work because he had worked hard and did not need kids yelling or fighting or misbehaving but you know what - we cheated everyone of them. They never saw the REAL US. Their kids in their finest forms. Not if we all put on our best faces and behaved better for them than for mom. How sad.

How terribly, terribly sad for our dads from the older generations. Dads are more involved with their children now than ever before. It makes perfect sense why - because many of the moms have to work and the dads have to do more around the house and with the kids. They KNOW their kids better now.

I do not feel my dad knew me very well when I was younger and that is COMPLETELY my own fault. I remember one time when I was still a teenager and I thought I was pregnant and I was scared to death! I went into the dining room / livingroom, where mom was sitting at the kitchen table reading her ‘nosey magazines’ (National Enquirer) and I sat down in dad’s chair and said (I remember it like it was yesterday), “Mom, how do you tell someone something when you know ahead of time that it is going to hurt them”. She closed her paper, took off her glasses, looked and me and said, “You just tell me”. [MOM, I LOVE YOU SO, SO, SO MUCH AND I MISS YOU SO, SO, SO MUCH – we lost mom March 22, 1998 – her birthday is coming up on October 31 – she was born in 1924.] I hesitantly told her that I thought I might be pregnant, and much to my surprise, she calmly got up and called our doctor and within the hour we were down there and I was getting a pregnancy test.

Then we went home – and just before suppertime I was in my room and I heard dad come home. I heard mom tell him she needed to talk to him (my parents never EVER talked in front of us kids about ANYTHING of importance – unlike me, my kids were there for every single thing…good or bad…they pretty well heard it all). A few minutes later dad came into my room and I seriously did not know what to expect. Dad never was the ‘punisher’ in our home – mom was! She broke many a wooden spoon cracking it on the edge of the table – and that was enough to smarten any educated kid up fast. We never got the spoon on our skin; just the thought of it was enough for us! Mom sure did a good job on us…seriously!

I will never, ever forget that day. Dad came in, sat down on my sister’s bed and started to tell me that mom told him what I told her and that we went to the doctor for a pregnancy test. I guess I thought I was going to be in trouble, but I wasn’t. Much to my surprise my daddy was there to talk to his daughter and explain that I was not BAD. That I had made a mistake but that did not make me the horrible person I thought I was. He told me that I had options and that I was the ONLY person who could decide what I would do…meaning – abortion, have and keep the baby or have and put the baby up for adoption.

You see, I never knew back then that this happened a lot, it just was kept quiet – a ‘family secret’, so to speak (but secrets fester and are never good – so thank God we have come a long way since then). Unfortunately there are many young women who get pregnant when they are teenagers, but ‘back in those days’ it was not spoken about. As a matter of fact, I found out when I was 24 years old that I had an older sister that my mom had as a teenager that was put up for adoption (the story is much more complicated, but until I write a book, this is the easiest way to put it). When I was 24 my sister found my mom and we all reunited and with her family – husband and 4 children – she moved to Kamloops where we live, so she could get to know her blood family.

Not only was it a shock to me that my mom had a child out of wedlock, I found out that day my dad and I talked that I had one cousin who had a baby and put her up for adoption (who has also found us and is back in the arms and hearts of us) and another cousin who had an abortion when she was fresh out of high school and no where near ready to have a child or even (for reasons not my business) to go full term with the pregnancy.

Wow, this was not the ‘comment’ I was starting out to make. I decided rather than spill out my entire life, I just wanted to come back to the true meaning of my message. The bottom line is this: YEARS AGO, MEN WERE RAISED TO BE STRONG, TO BE TOUGH, TO HIDE THEIR TEARS AND EMOTIONS AND BECAUSE OF THAT, MEN WERE NOT ABLE TO SHOW THEIR TRUE POTENTIAL AS LOVING, CARING PEOPLE. That has changed – my hubby and my ex-Dwight both are very close with their kids and step kids and thank God for that. Thank God women have opened to the reality that men are HUMAN BEINGS. We do not tell the kids to ‘Shhhhh, Daddy is tired and had a tough day’. No, we want…we expect – fathers to know as much as we do about our children. Ok, maybe it has not got there yet for most – but as long as they know their children’s teacher’s names and their best friend’s parent’s names we have come a long, long way.

So, to Michelle and her Daddy – MEN HAVE COME A LONG WAY AND THANK YOU. Dad – God bless you for being there for your girl! Sincerely and with great love, missing Jessie Foster’s mom, Glendene.