North Korea asks its people, become ‘human shields’ defend Korea

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The world waits for an interesting 2012, as North Korea pulls  another “hole in one” out of it’s media hat. Now its been mandated North Koreans are to be used as Human Shields against all interlopers. 

The family name Kim, synonymous with North Koreans who will at a moments notice, drop everything to do it’s glorious leaders bidding has many dictators and world leaders envious they do not possess this godlike power over the masses, nor the reputed golf skills.

“North Korea vowed Sunday to stage an all-out drive for prosperity as it unites behind new leader Kim Jong-un, ushering in 2012 with promises to resolve food shortages, bolster its military and defend Kim Jong-il’s young son “unto death.”

What’s in a name, plenty, if you’re the 3rd generation Kim dictator, as for other world dictators, we know very few as looney as the Kim dynasty.

World leaders wondering what the next move is for North Korea, can look no further in their attempts to get some face time and open a dialogue with the newly minted leader Kim Jong-un. Apparently Kim ain't buying what the world is selling, especially when Big Brother China has little brothers ear as part of its Nuclear family unit!

So as the world dithers, methinks there are other dictatorships with similar fancy names, titles, honorariums, knighthoods as nauseum just as worthy if anyone is looking to open for some  serious dialogue.  Perhaps it’s all a name game in the big picture with North Korea, possibly its all the impressive titles that accompany the family name Kim? Titles such as Glorious Leader, Supreme, etc.  It seems the North Koreans are buying into all this. 

The Kim family name, has North Koreans go into mass hysteria, usually reserved for Rock Stars. That got me thinking…..what’s in a name, especially if you’re a Dictator whose government’s regime has world leaders looking for a tete a tete?  Regime, now there is another curious name isn’t it?

Regime: a rule of government, a popular name to add to a Dictator looking to make a flashy name on the world stage.  

Then there is the red headed stepchild middle name “Dogma”: unquestioning rule of law and or strict beliefs or principles. Not Rover’s Mom, just another fascinating word.

Pretty much every political party could be grouped as dogma parties.  The best part is, whether you are Socialist, Liberal, Democratic, Religious, Conservative, Communist, or Leftist, you can instantly identify yourself with anyone who you are, sort of like Cher, whose single name gets instant recognition. Dictators like that! 

On a basic level, while a name is just a name to some, when it comes to baby names, some new parents are indecisive what to name their newborn baby.  Many consult the baby book of names, many ask the advice of friends and family.  In Haiti, one Despot Dictator was known as Baby Doc. Man, talk about too easy.

Some parents, honouring their folks, name their baby after them, Dictators are no different.

Western savy parents looking for a hook name take a cue from successful celebrity names, religious icons, or World Leaders.  There are some parent yearn only the best for their child by tying a famous name to the child, perhaps in the hopes of riding on their child’s coattails of financial success. The Kims, Lohans, Spears, Presleys, Kardashians made it BIG! Now all are household names. 

It seems old world dictators missed the boat when it came to handing out names to their progeny, but they certainly excel in giving themselves titles to sort of flesh out their names. 

Generic type names such as Chris, John, Bill, Jennifer, Lingy, Ztxingchug, Elise and Sarah, Achmed, Lakteesha, Yorgi, Borat, Vladimir, Abu Rama Dalli  seem to have either a neutral or negative connotation with many of us, melding into so much white noise. Not to mention names that are hard to pronounce, are tongue swallowers, or longer than “ Mississippi Peninsula” is a clue shortening your name is best if you want to be big man on campus. 

Longer or unintelligible names will likely get lost in translation, when introduced to people at a party for the first time, many witness that glazed look in their eyes when hearing your name.  Most just move onto to someone a little more name appealing such as ICE, ICE, Baby!

Perhaps Dictators looking for world recognition should take a name cue of more popular names and not relying on titles so much.

Brand name recognition seems to be where it’s at, names like Justin, XTina, Elvis, Usher, Britney, Madonna, Beyonce, seem destined for success.

Political last names like Obama, Bush, Putin, Harper, Sarkozy are instantly recognizable by the electorate and the worlds political news junkies. Love em or hate em, both camps have to agree, they know who they are.

TV Character names such Bart Simpson, Homer Simpson, Apu Nahasapeemapetilon, Sheldon Cooper, Leonard Hofstadter, Rajesh Koothrappali, Howard Wolowitz, Amy Farrah Fowler, Charlie Harper, Eric Cartman are instantly recognizable. Their mention bringing a smile to your face! Yet do any of us know the TV Characters real name? Not for the most part, much like Dictators, you may not be able to place a name to a face.

Since ninety percent of World Dictators remain unidentified globally, being unfamiliar is not the way to go when only your own people heard of you.

Many Dictators stuck with boring names, took their cue from Kim Jong-iL and decided to jazz it up a little adding titles such as Supreme Leader, or His Excellency most Successful etc… to infinity.  

Kim Jung-iL, added to his name almost daily in order to get the world to sit down and take notice, with sonny boy looking to eclipse dear old dad in the title department.

Many drew a blank upon hearing Kim Jong-iL died tragically, it is said from work related stress. It took the World Media to bring to light this man and his many accomplishments as Supreme Leader and Golf Legend. 

Fans of South Park, most likely were the only ones who knew Kim Jong-iL,  witnessing his featured performance as a marionette dictator in South Park World Police!  Let’s face it, Kim for all his political influence could not buy that much publicity. Believe you me, world dictators were green with envy, they were overlooked.

Now  that Kim Jong-iL is dead and gone, his 28 year old son of a similar name Kim Jon-un has risen to the challenge and taken up the mantle as North Korea’s Glorious Leader, assumedly as a featured player in the yet to be released sequel South Park, World Police part II.

So as New Year 2012 approaches, Dictators need to stop competing with each other for attention, whether it be mass genocide to awarding themselves more and more grand titles, honorariums, military awards, including mass military style parades in order to say “Recognize Me Dammit”!  Unfortunately the World doesn’t watch your channel, we prefer commercially viable shows, besides the United Nations channel is like watching hair plugs grow.

While some Dictators were appeased when World leaders initially took notice, saying.   “Attaboy”, or handing out cursory royal titles and doctorates.  Many Dictators looking for the slippery hand of friendship, soon realized groovier Dictators with more recognizable names and titles had more to offer e.g. oil, resources, yadda, yadda comes to mind. Bottom line, World leaders really, really did call you, the help said you were out, we left a voicemail, emailed you, guess you didn’t get it?

World dictators, need a catchy name and regime change, like Holy Iman George Clooney, Rock Star from Mars, Two and a Half Dictators, LMFAO, Aerosmith, Starbucks and Microsoft, Leader of Big Mac N Cheese, with very big wiener! Now there is a name that would get world attention.

Though some guilt ridden world leaders throw financial aid your way, a Dictator spreading that wealth to Swiss bank accounts still have a growing military to clothe and feed.

A name and regime change may get that next financial aid check in the mail faster.

Dictators who fail to get with the times will always be the bridesmaid and never the bride, regaling themselves to the back pews of media and government attention forever.  

While there are so many other World Dictators alive and dead also worthy of mention for 2011, I have complied just twelve Dictators, past and present, based on their looney self named titles, bestowed legit titles, etc and will let the reader decide who to award “The World’s Biggest Balls in Showmanship”!

Dictator: Jean Bedel Bokassa

Country: Central African Republic (1966-1979)

Jean Bedel Bokassa, Napoleon Bonaparte (Reincaranate), Emperor Bokassa, Emperor of Central African Republic (by the will of Central African people, joined within the national political party),Movement for the Social Evolution of Black Africa(MESAN).

Dictator: Muammar Muhammad Abu Minyar Gaddafi

Country: Libya (1969-2011)

Muammar Muhammad Abu Minyar Gaddafi– President, Colonel, Brother Leader, Guide of the First of September Great Revolution of the Socialist People’s Libyan Arab Jamahiriya Muammar al-Gaddafi.

Dictator: Doctor Robert Gabriel Mugabe

Country: Zimbabwe (1980 – Present)

Believe it or not, the following honourary titles bestowed on Doctor Robert Gabriel Mugabe were given to him from respected United States Universities and other countries to the Queen of England. WOW! Fascinating!

Doctor Robert Mugabe LL.D. (Ten, count em Ten- Honourary Doctor of Laws),Comrade, General Secretary, Knight Commander of the Order of Bath,D.Litt Doctor of Letters,Civil Laws degree, D.Com, D.Tech, Order of Jamaica, Africa Prize for Leadership for the Sustainable End of Hunger (Who knew, if you kill all your people on a massive scale ends hunger?) Eventually!

With this many impressive degrees, I see a Starbucks Barista position in his future!

Dictator: Mobutu Sese SekoCountry: Zaire (1930-1997)

Mobutu Sese Seko Nkuku Ngbendu wa Za Banga, - “the all-powerful warrior who, because of his endurance and inflexible will to win, will go from conquest to conquest leaving fire in his wake.”

Dictator: Idi Amin

Country: Uganda (1971-1979)

Idi Amin,“His Excellency, President for Life, Field Marshal Al Hadji Doctor Idi Amin Dada, VC, DSO, MC, Conqueror of the British Empire [CBE] in Africa in General and Uganda in Particular and the Most Ubiquitous of all King Of Scotland”

Dictator: François Duvalier

Country: Haiti (1957-1971)

François Duvalier:  President for Life, Papa Doc, Jesus Christ, I have chosen him.

Upon his death, Duvalier’s son Jean-Claude Duvalier at 19 years old succeeded his father.

Dictator: Jean-Claude Duvalier

Country: Haiti (1971-1986)

Jean-Claude Duvalier, President for Life, "Baby Doc"

Duvalier left Haiti in late 1980s amid controversy, residing in France, only to return in January 2011, in what only be his self perceived his adsentatores triumphant return to Haiti, to restore order (and replace the previous President Jean-Bertrand Aristide who was overthrown in 2004) where Duvalier was promptly arrested the next day, currently he is facing a litany of criminal charges.

Dictator: Kim Il-sung1972-1994 (Kim Jong-il Dad) Kim Jong-il 1994-2011

Country: North Korea (1972-1994 - 1994-2011)

Kim II-sung got the ball rolling with many of the titles below beginning in1972, upon the Elder Kim II-sung’s death in 1994, his son Kim Jong-il (who recently died this December 2011) got to inherit a lot of his Dad’s titles.  By the looks of it, Kim Jong-il’s son, Kim Jung-un as North Korea’s newly minted New Supreme Leader may wish to inherit even more titles, titles, including titles bestowed by others looking in what can only be described as a eternally brainwashed cultural society who take a back seat of no one in the “Art of Sucking up”!   

Kim Jong-il-President, His Excellency, Highest Incarnation of the Revolutionary Comradely Love, Mastermind of the Revolution, Savior, Great Defender, Great Man, Who Is a Man of Deeds, Guiding Star of the 21st Century, Beloved and Respected Father, Invincible and Ever-triumphant General, Great Marshal, Leader of the Party and the People, Bright Sun of Juche, Supreme Leader of the Nation, Glorious General, Who Descended From Heaven, Great Man, Who Descended From Heaven, Amazing politician, Leader of the 21st Century, Great Sun of the 21st Century, Bright Sun of the 21st Century, Peerless Leader, World Leader of The 21st Century, Father of the Nation, Great Sun of The Nation, The Great Sun of Life, Sun of the Nation, Sun of Socialism, Ever-Victorious, Iron-Willed Commander, Beloved and Respected Leader, Great Leader, Beloved and Respected General, Great General, Great Leader of our Party and of our Nation, General, Leader, Leader of the Party, the country, and the Army, Beloved Father, Fate of the Nation, Symbol of the Fatherland's Unification, Guarantee of the Fatherland's Unification, Leader of the Revolutionary Armed Forces, Guiding Sun Ray, Shining Star of Paektu Mountain, Sun of the Communist Future, Father of the People, Great Leader, Commander-in-Chief, Dear Leader, who is a perfect incarnation of the appearance that a leader should have, Unique Leader, Brilliant Leader, Wise Leader, Respected Leader, Dear Leader, Superior Person, Party Center.

Posthumous titles after Kim Jong-iL after his death, bestowed by the Peoples Party:  The Originator-Inventor of "Two all beef patties, special sauce, lettuce, cheese, pickles, and onions on a sesame seed bun." (Not that his people could disagree as they have never tasted anything remotely similar in their lifetimes).  Recent titles now come to light such as, Tireless Supreme Leader of the people who worked himself to death and North Korean PGA Master of the Universe (11 holes in 1 on an 18 hole golf course).

Dictator: Kim Jong-un (2011- present)

Country: North Korea

Kim Jong-un,President, Supreme Leader, and all the previously mentioned titles as his late father, through family inheritance.

Though the title as the inventor of the North Korean Big Mac Invention and North Korean PGA Champ may be stretch even for the young Kim and for his people to swallow!

Dictator: Nicolae Ceauşescu (1974 –1989)

Country: Romania

Nicolae Ceauşescu,Statesman, France’s Legion of Honour, Knight Grand Cross of the Order of the Bath (United Kingdom), Karl-Marx-Orden,  His wife Elena was elected as Member of the United States of America-Science Academy. 

Dictator: Saddam Hussein Abd al-Majid al-Tikriti (1979 –2003)

Country: Iraq

Saddam Hussein Abd al-Majid al-Tikriti, President, Supreme Arab nationalist leader. 

Dictator: Alhaji Dr. Yahya Abdul-Aziz Jemus Junkung Jammeh (1994 –Present)

Country: Republic of Gambia

Alhaji Dr. Yahya Abdul-Aziz Jemus Junkung Jammeh, President,His Excellency Sheikh Professor Alhaji, Dr. Yahya Abdul-Azziz Jemus Junkung Jammeh Naasiru Deen,  Commander In Chief of The Armed Forces, Chief Custodian of the Sacred Constitution of Gambia, "Distinguished Service Medal" from Shaw University (US), Honorary Doctor of Civil Laws Degree(St Mary's University, Halifax, Canada).

In Ending

Perhaps present and future World Dictators looking for world recognition and unwilling to do a name change, preferring to add titles to their names could enact a regime change for the good of their people as an alternative.

I bet that would go a long way in ensuring their political viability as they receive a legit world honourable mention. 

Certainly that would be a stamp to put on your country’s business card, instead of bestowing these flaccid meaningless honours on yourself. 

Currently it appears the United Nations and World Leaders lack the will to offer any real world changing incentives or measures, as it seems the Status Quo of false praise has its uses for them all, Priceless!

Time to cast your vote for “The World’s Biggest Balls in Showmanship”!

Happy New Years Everyone!

Related Topics

• Death of Kim Jong-Il
• kim jong il and son
• Daily Living in North Korea
• "South Park"