Opinion: Tune In Turn It On And Bugout

I had a little time off this week so I decided to stay home relax and enjoy some TV. I thought I would get in a few movies and watch some informative programs. Seeing I had the house to myself I made sure the fridge was full and the recliner in the perfect position. As soon as I start scrolling I noticed most of the channels were running marathon episodes and paid commercials. Oxygen had the “Battered Women” Marathon. Lifetime had “Husbands that Murder” Marathon. ESPN had Women’s Basketball (no comment.) On the History Channel it was “Nazi Marathon.” From 6am to 6pm Hitler, Hitler and more Hitler. You watch a couple of those and you want to crawl in the set and choke that bastard! Anyway I had already seen the Scrubs Marathon twice on Comedy Central and every episode of X-Files on Sci Fi.

ABC, CBS and NBC had Colon Cleaner ads, Ab Crushers and “The Dean Martin Roast” videos for sale. The Cable news channels all had specials. CNN had a special called “Is illegal immigration illegal?” MSNBC had 0n “Obama the Early Years” Followed by “Lock-up” a show about sociopath inmates in some of our finest institutions across America throwing feces and screaming at you while your safe at home. Awesome, I think. and Fox had “Iran, Shock and Awe 2.” Oliver North personally attacks Iran himself.

By now I just thought I would watch some music videos on MTV. But MTV was showing “The Best of Flavor of Love” no problem I turned to VH1, no music either, they were showing “Where Are They Now” a show about one hit wonders. I quickly switch to the cartoon channel figuring I could use a good laugh. The cartoon ‘Camp Lazlo’ was on. I had never seen so much farting and vomiting in a cartoon. I then turned to Al Gore’s Current TV. There was this guy who was advocating the Government ration toilet paper and Air Conditioning. Ok. So I switch to the new Green Channel and see Global Warming fanatic Ed Begley Junior and his wife Rachelle with “living with Ed.” Ed has lost his mind and has taken the green life to the”crazy” level. His wife spends her day suffering through the draconian Green People rules Begley imposes on her and her lifestyle. For her part she is just trying to convince everyone watching that her husband is crazy. She convinced me.

After seeing the Nancy Pelosi and Newt Gingrich Global Warming commercial for the tenth time I was about to freak out.

Instead of enjoying myself I was starting to feel a little anxiety. Finally I switched to National Geographic expecting to enjoy a little Nature. Well I got Nature gone wild. It was “The Armageddon Marathon” all day. Every horrible way the Earth could end. I stopped there and became mesmerized by all the ways we could die. We might drown or freeze or maybe burn to a crisp. A mountain might drop into the ocean and cause a 1000 foot tidal wave. Super Volcano, Super Comet, even a Hyper-Cane a hurricane that is ten times stronger than Andrew. These disaster shows are the most intense. The graphics are realistic and you can witness the end of days from the comfort of your living room.

I never realized that watching TV could be so stressful. Remember when MTV would show music videos. National Geographic showed Nature at its most beautiful. CNN, well they haven’t changed much. MSNBC is like watching a Democrat Party Telethon. Cartoons are nasty. The Women’s channels are a domestic abuse orgy. But my favorite, the doomsday shows leave you with the thought that at any moment the sky might fall on your head and it’s your fault it’s falling.

The Average person can lose their mind if they paid attention to all the experts on the news shows today. One expert would say too much Vitamin C will kill you, another says too little Vitamin D will kill you. And this is in the morning when you probably have one of those vitamins in your mouth. Where do they get these experts? It works like this. Say a news producer wants to do a segment about how stupid George Bush is. So they find an “expert” on George Bush’s stupidity and put him or her on to assure us that George Bush is stupid. Well who can argue with that, an expert just verified it. It’s enough to make you bugout….mpress