SEX & DRUGS or STAR TREK !

by Barry Artiste | May 23, 2008 at 06:31 pm | 453 views | 8 comments

Opinion
Barry Artiste, Now Public Contributor

We have all been bombarded with Spam Mail touting the latest Male Enhancement Product, with testimony from People in Lab Coats on Late Night infomercials. These informercials feature a Busty Host, seductively suggesting she and many Supermodels are out there and available for a Trial Run, if you just buy their Waggle Puppy Enhancement Pills right away for $200.00 for a 30 day supply.

Then it breaks to some poor Sap, whose crying saying before he took the Pills he was lonely and dateless, spending hours on chat lines or watching Star Trek Reruns in his parents basement. But he took a chance, bought the Male Enhancement Pills and instantly became a Superstud, now months later he is happily married, and President of his own Company, (Then the TV camera pans out to show him beside a yacht and mansion) dancing with a bevy of babes at a poolside party.

Now for some reason, this infomercial is almost identical to those Hair Replacement infomercials that tout, we can cure baldness and you will be adored and instantly grow a Six Pack overnight!

Well in ending, many get suckered into these infomercials to the tune of billions of dollars, so is it any wonder why they show them on TV and hit you with Spam Mail daily.

One Caveat you should know, as someone who also has a practising knowledge of Toxiciology the Wonder ingredient in many of these Male enhancement pills is "phentolamine", now that in itself under clinical trials works, but be very careful if you take it. Why? Well some spicy foods can react with this drug and in a couple of hours can cause uncontrollable and immediate Anal Watery Discharge with no warning. So, best check it out first, hence why Health Canada is warning you first.

I cannot imagine after a dinner date with a hot babe, you are hot in heavy in the bedroom and your bowels let go all over her. Somehow I do not think you'll get a second date.
If you are not prepared for this, best not buy the pills and stay in your parents basement with your hair replacement system ( I like to call wearing Roadkill on top of your head) and tune into Captain Kirk. It's much cleaner entertainment, you Weirdo!

Health Canada warns against unlicensed sex drugsReuters
OTTAWA - Canadians should avoid unlicensed drugs that claim to improve sexual performance because they could cause problems such as loss of consciousness, prolonged erections and chest pain, the health ministry said on Friday.

Health Canada issued the warning in a release about a product called Desire, which was found to contain the prescription drug phentolamine - something not indicated on the label.

"Health Canada advises consumers not to use Desire or any other unauthorized products promoted to increase sexual performance that are advertised as 'all natural', as such products may contain undeclared prescription drugs that may pose serious risks to health," it said in a statement.

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amyjudd

at 19:03 on May 23rd, 2008

Excellent introduction! I laughed as I know what infomercials you are talking about - and it always amazed me how just one little pill can change a person's life so dramatically and make it so much better!

Who knew they had that effect though? Ewwww......

Barry Artiste

at 20:06 on May 23rd, 2008

Well Geez, AMY, they don't tell you everything in those infomercials, do you really think Depends Wearers, Waterski and Mountain Climb? Don't think so!! EWWWW is right. Hey gotta go, Star Trek just came on, and I got to find my Cheesies under the couch cushions! Good Times tonite, My Lt. Uhura uniform is fresh from the dryer and ready for action. All I need to do now is put my sons ferret Milo on my head and it's "Yeehaa!"

BigT

at 19:26 on May 23rd, 2008

good stuff:

Practicing knowledge in toxicology?

Uncontrollable and immediate Anal Watery Discharge with no warning?

You're life is either really interesting or kind of scary.

Barry Artiste

at 20:01 on May 23rd, 2008

Actually it is a little bit of both., hahaha Thanks for dropping by and the hysterical comments.

eastvanray

at 23:06 on May 23rd, 2008

Hey barry did you ever think that the explanation for the boat and new house in the infomercial is that they ship the pills along with Tom Vu's Buying Property Wth No Money Down? Those were the best infomercials. Dorky 5'0" Vu is pictured surrounded by a bevy of swimsuit models, on a huge private yacht; the camera pans to the driveway of a beautiful mansion with a cobblestone driveway chocked full of luxury vehicles. As the models swoon he looks into the camer and says "I used to be broke, no job no future. Now that I learned the secret of buying property with no money down I have everything....beautiful women, house yacht and so many cars I don't know which one to drive."

So just think. All you need to be Da Man is the course on buying property with no money down, some of those natural male enhancement pills and maybe a membership to the Hair Club. Forget work, saving, investing and risk taking. Life is so much easier when you learn the secrets of the infomercials!

Barry Artiste

at 00:29 on May 24th, 2008

Hey that's right, I saw those Tom Vu infomercials like years ago. I remember his immortal words to us losers....

Hi, I rich, you not, I live in big house, you live in trailer, I have boat, you eat out of garbage can, I sleep with your wife, you loser, buy my book.....

Thanks EastVan. Thanks for the comments and memories..