Toronto: Mom loses Custody for Alienating Kids from their Dad

by Blue Crush | January 25, 2009 at 06:29 pm

1383 views | 49 Recommendations | 15 comments

Toronto - In a rare and perhaps significant family law decision, a Toronto judge has stripped a mother of custody of her three children after the woman spent more than a decade trying to alienate them from their father.

The mother's "consistent and overwhelming" campaign to brainwash the children into thinking their father was a bad person was nothing short of emotional abuse, Justice Faye McWatt of the Superior Court of justice wrote in her decision.

McWatt's judgement was released January 16th and published on legal databases this week. By Friday, it was a hot topic with the family law bar.

The three girls, ages 9 to 14, were brought to a downtown courthouse last Friday and turned over to their father, a vascular surgeon identified only as A.L. Their mother, a chiropodist identified as K.D., was ordered to stay away from the building during the transfer and to have her daughters' clothing and possessions sent to their father's house.

McWatt stipulated that K.D. is to have no access to the children except in conjunction with counselling, including a special intensive therapy program for children affected by "parental alienation syndrome." The mother must bear the costs.

Harold Niman, the father's lawyer, said the decision serves as a wake-up call to parents who, "for bitterness, anger or whatever reason," decide to use their children to punish their former partners. "Maybe if they realize the courts will actually step in and do something and there is a risk of not only losing custody, but having no contact with their children, they'll think twice about it," Niman said in an interview.

Nicolas Bala, a Queen's University law professor who specializes in family law, said "badmouthmouthing" or negative attitudes by one parent toward another is quite common among separated couples. But in recent years, the justice system has begun to understand the harmful effects of the worst form of this behaviour.

Courts are unlikely to take such a drastic step as transferring custody unless counselling and mediation have already failed time and time again. "We often talk about the best interests of the child, but often it's the least detrimental alternative," said Bala.

Parental Alienation Syndrome
Canadian Children's Rights Council

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Tina Kells

at 19:09 on January 25th, 2009

I strongly agree with this decision, and I am a single custodial parent.

When a relationship breaks down it is so hard on the kids and any parent who uses their kids as a weapon against their ex should be ashamed of themselves. Unless there is a good reason to keep a child away from a parent the two exes should always separate their relationship baggage from what is best for their children.

Kids need both parents whether those parents are still together or not.

When you break up you stop being a couple but you don't stop being co-parents. That is a relationship you will have to navigate for the rest of your life - like it or not.

This judge made a politically difficult yet morally correct decision.

Thanks for this post.

Blue Crush

at 08:22 on January 26th, 2009

Yes, Tina, too often the children are the ones USED as a weapon - in the WAR of the parents, without even comprehending the long term psychological damage they're causing.

Concerned Parent (not verified)

at 06:16 on January 28th, 2009

What I find astonishing is the assessor identified these children where at risk in 2000 and the courts did nothing then to prevent it and 9 years later they finally woke up.

I cannot imagine the emotional damage that has been done to these poor children when the risk was identified by a qualified clinical assessor and the courts did not intervene at that time. Is like letting a child get into a car with a parent who you know has a drinking problem and drives under the influence.

The courts have the power of invoking a legal principle of Parens patriae. In law it refers to the state has the power to intervene against an abusive or negligent natural parent and to act as the parent of any child or individual who is in need of protection. These children were in need of protection in 2000.

The Courts saw it coming in 2000 and did nothing. In this situation the father being a doctor obviously had the financial means to get legal remedy but no matter what, the children have been permanently emotionally harmed. Yes I know in time they will recover but the bad memories are permanently ingrained in their minds forever.

I hope for the children's sake the mother is astute enough to seek the requisite counseling and the father inspite of his anger or bitterness he may have will come forward on his own accord and re-intergrate the children with the mother. Only if the mother gets the help she needs.

When are the courts going to realize that the current family law system does NOT work and unless it can be proven without a doubt a parent is abusive, parenting needs to be shared for the sake of the kids

Pythiian1

at 19:12 on January 25th, 2009

It is remarkable decision in the interest of the children. Blue Crush, thanks for the post.

Blue Crush

at 08:28 on January 26th, 2009

You sure don't see it too often, anywhere. I've been involved (where a SO was granted custody), it's no easy process. Thanks, for commenting!

Paschen

at 23:04 on January 25th, 2009

Now there is a verdict I would have liked to see some 20 years ago. :) Progress at last. However she did it for over a decade, the damage is done for certain for the Kids as well as for the Dad.

Blue Crush

at 08:26 on January 26th, 2009

Progress at last ... I'm sure the single fathers in Canada are quite happy, and so should the single mothers be too, as it's only in the best interests of the children. At last, they're thinking of the CHILDREN!

tallison

at 23:23 on January 25th, 2009

Whether the judge had an audience with the child.? The primary condition is child's welfare.

The court has to take every possible evidence to this effect.

Blue Crush

at 08:24 on January 26th, 2009

Tallison, in Canada the children are even appointed their own lawyer, who acts only in the best interests of the child, and they are seen by psychologists or mediators over a long period of time.

The family court process can be a long and drawn out process, and some non-custodial parents simply give up and go on with their lives, without their children - which of course, is not good for anyone involved.

sara star

at 16:19 on January 26th, 2009

Glad this is being addressed. A form of child abuse really.

Art_By_Alida

at 16:29 on January 26th, 2009

No parent should absolutely lose custody..but I do know some parents who do make divorce very traumatic for the kids. They alienate the other spouse from the kids. It's VERY COMMON.

She must have been really really bad to get this decision..and many people are so vindictive, they do damage the kids with their mind games.

She may have deserved this, but it is further damaging the kids.

158

at 17:34 on January 26th, 2009

A good, topical story.

Roy C

at 23:21 on January 26th, 2009

I tried to put on a seminar for a detective friend of mine and his lawyer and two psychologists. It would have been about parental alienation, the very topic of this story.

We were all surprised at just how tepid the response was and we put off the presentation. District attorneys and public defenders were not interested. Or, I should say that they were interested but wanted it to be for free, essentially.

About 50% of all accusations of sexual abuse cannot be proven true. Half of those, 25% of the total, are provably false with 2/3 being due to investigator incompetence and 1/3 being due to outright lying, such as in the case of parental alienation.

We have put a lot of people in prison from these false charges over the years.

Bruce Brown (not verified)

at 09:44 on January 29th, 2009

The American Bar Association sponsored a research paper on parental alientaion which was widely distributed in or around 1994, called "Children Held Hostage". It contained a lot of examples from specific cases, which too often look like checklists in many individual cases. Gartner wrote three books dealing with the subject, including "Beyond the Best Interest of the Child". Current focus is on getting counselling for the children which is difficult in Ontario, even when ordered because the alientating custodial parent undermines it as part of the process. This issues has been surprisingly slow to surface and get the attention it requires, probably because targeted parents burn out early in the process. As a targeted father I just had my 108th enforcement hearing in Ontario and its not over yet, since the courts simply do not effectively sanction mothers who disobey orders.

HB (not verified)

at 17:30 on March 5th, 2009

Currently I am involved in a relationshipe who has a 6 years old girl and they have been divorced for last three years and she has the full custoday. She is trying to provide a better living for her doughter and herslef. We want to countinu this relationshipe and it may results in a maarige proposal, but not knowing if father agrees to this or not. The problem is that I live in US and they live in Toronto, Ca. So I don't know how that is going to effcet the out come. She is very close to her dughter and very protactive of her, but she wants to look for her better future of her doghtre and her.Please advise me if this is doable for her to come to US to live.