US spy industry disguises intelligence with stupidity (Satire)
Washington, DC -- From dropping the ball on 9/11 to identifying non-existent weapons of mass destruction in Iraq, America’s intelligence industry seems forever to be on the losing side.
The most recent publicly documented failure: allowing a freelance computer clerk to expose the National Security Agency as a spying apparatus that is spinning dangerously out of control.
While America spends billions more on intelligence operations than any of the nation, Americans have questioned for years why the government supports an industry whose greatest accomplishment is capturing a failed shoe bomber.
Now the National Security Agency has an answer, revealing for the first time the existence of Operation: Stupidity.
“Operation: Stupidity brings together every element of the American intelligence community, including the CIA, the FBI, the DEA, the ATF and even the SS (Secret Service), cloaking them all in one enormous blanket of dumb,” an NSA spokesperson declared. “It’s like alphabet soup for morons.”
Explaining how the policy works, the NSA official said it’s based on the first rule of espionage, which is “startle your opponent.”
“Our adversaries expect us to behave rationally,” the spokesperson said. “So we stay one step ahead of them by acting insanely or even incompetently. As a result, they have no idea what our next move might be, from framing A-Rod to seizing everyone’s phone records.”
Operation: Stupidity’s overall objective is close to being fulfilled. That is, to create an environment of global confusion that is so densely dumb that it baffles even the brightest analysts and the most expert authorities.
“This is a world in which the experts have no answers and the spies have no restrictions,” the NSA official said.
Operation: Stupidity was created in the mid-70s when the senior George Bush headed the CIA. In fact, Bush can be rightly called “the father of stupidity.”
“So the next time you read something in a newspaper or on the Internet that doesn’t add up, you can rest assured that someone from your intelligence community is doing the counting,” the spokesperson said.
The NSA has even developed a slogan to cover such situations: “When you see stupid, stay stupid.”