What's the ideal number of friends?

by generaldecay | March 4, 2009 at 06:45 am

830 views | 58 Recommendations | 17 comments

The more friends you have, the more you earn, says a study. But modern life can allow little time to maintain meaningful relationships, so what's the optimum number of friends? It's widely accepted that friendships are invaluable to the soul but few of us were aware that they could also boost the bank account.

I certainly never knew this. If it's the case that with friends comes high earnings, I must be doing something wrong! I have friends, but not what you would call high earnings. Maybe I need new friends! ;)

A study of 10,000 US students over a period of 35 years suggests the wealthiest people are those that had the most friends at school. Each extra schoolfriend added 2% to the salary. The researchers said this was because the workplace is a social setting and those with the best social skills prosper in management and teamwork.

The magic number is 150, apparently. Doesn't this seem to be a lot. If we're talking about people we know and have been known to spend time with, then yes. But actual friends...

The average number is about 150, says leading anthropologist Robin Dunbar. It may sound like a lot, but think of your Christmas card list - 50 cards to 50 couples = 100 friends. "It's the number of people that you know as persons and you know how they fit into your social world and they know how you fit into theirs. They are a group of people to which you have an obligation of friendship."

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Paschen

at 06:58 on March 4th, 2009

Interesting. What defines a friend?

generaldecay

at 07:01 on March 4th, 2009

Thanks for the recommendation and comment, Paschen. I think that the person who suggested that 150 friends is average has a looser definition of friendship than the one to which I subscribe.

Jordan Yerman

at 07:18 on March 4th, 2009

I think he's thinking Facebook-friends, really.

generaldecay

at 10:30 on March 4th, 2009

Now that makes the correlation even more spurious! But it does explain a little more how he came up with 150!

Thanks for the recommendation, Jordan. :)

Rhonda J Mangus

at 08:03 on March 4th, 2009

Very loose, I would agree! Thanks for this, generaldecay!

generaldecay

at 10:28 on March 4th, 2009

You're welcome. I love this sort of stuff. :) And thank you for the recommendation.

Blue Crush

at 08:31 on March 4th, 2009

I think in this case, less is more.

The Telegraph explains the study a bit better. They meant that children that were more popular in high school were more apt to (later) have a higher education level and more social skills.

generaldecay

at 10:27 on March 4th, 2009

Blue, that is a better explanation of it, you're right. Thanks for linking that, and for the recommendation and comment.

Ethan (not verified)

at 09:02 on March 4th, 2009

I think this is backwards, it was supposed to read, "people with more money have more friends."

Maireid Sullivan

at 00:13 on March 5th, 2009

Exactly! People with money have more "friends" - there are many songs bemoaning the loss of friends with the loss of money. I've seen this scenario too many times.

I don't like to 'appear' to have money, because I don't like the idea of people thinking I have more than them. I don't bother "keeping up with the Joneses" –and I love our life-style.

Many years ago, I was involved in organising a major university festival. We actually moved into the town 3 months ahead of time, and every weekend people came in from other universities, to help with preparations. At the end of 3 months there were about 60 people permanently on-site working on this festival, and on the weekend about 100 more joined us. On the last week before the big event, we had a meeting to discuss our experience of the build-up, where we all reported in on our experience over the three months, and the consensus was that we could manage to develop meaningful relationships with 60 people. That was a long time ago, and I still think it is a viable number.

I can visualize my circle of friends as 'pulses' radiating out from the centre of my life. I like one-on-one conversations best. I enjoy working with several people on a project, and I have many, many 'party' friends, and being a musician brings me into contact with thousands of people, and I love them all.

I think networks such as Facebook are totally impersonal, and a waste of my precious time. I much prefer occasional "informative" discussions with various members of NowPublic. :)

Finally, I love the Celtic concepts of "Personal Sovereignty" and "Anam Cara", which means "Soul Friend" in Irish. The first concept acknowledges that each of us is a 'vast universe unto ourselves" and the second is about sharing our separate reality – taking into ourselves a part of the other person, forever changing who we are. ...a very profound view of friendship.

generaldecay

at 00:13 on March 5th, 2009

Maireid, thanks for this great comment! And hello, by the way! :)

Rachel Nixon

at 10:28 on March 4th, 2009

Maybe I'm a loser but 150 friends seems like a lot of friends to have by anyone's standards. What defines "friend" here? I don't think people value true friendship that much these days - often it's about acquiring as many "friends" on social networks as possible.

generaldecay

at 10:31 on March 4th, 2009

Rachel, I think that 150 is a lot too! And I agree that the trend on social networking sites is to rank up your 'popularity' but I'm still rather hoping that that trend hasn't extended to real life yet. Even though those lines are, of course, blurred.

Jarrett Martineau

at 10:39 on March 4th, 2009

I don't think 150 is a realistic number of real, close friendships to be able to maintain.

Acquintances maybe, but friends that you'd call if you really need help? 150 seems like a ridiculously large number to me.

As for internet existences, once you start down the path of 'actual real-world friends' vs. 'social media followers, friends, & acquaintances' - the distinction becomes far easier to make. It's certainly possible to claim an ability to keep up the updates of your hundreds of virtual friends but does this simple, and superficial, exchange of short blips of information qualify as actual friendship?

Perhaps those lines are blurring more quickly than we'd like.

generaldecay

at 10:43 on March 4th, 2009

Jarrett, thanks for the recommendation and comment.

I agree with you about the number of friends - real friends. I really try not to over add on FB and the like because it just starts to feel fake and pointless. I used to hate on Myspace, all those years ago when I used it, seeing people with 50,526 friends. Seriously! What's the point of that?!

Amy Judd

at 13:41 on March 4th, 2009

maybe it's a confidence thing - if you have a lot of friends, you feel popular and confident, therefore when you go for a job, you come across as much more able to do the job and you are more likely to get it.